The Nature of 'Rei'

Do you know what 'Rei' is?

We bow when Sensei yells "REI" and we're quite often told that it translates as the word 'Respect', but not quite, it's more than this.

Rei has meanings and reason that echo the complex culture that it came from. It's deeper than the modern martial attitude of "bow because we told you to".

There are reasons behind everything, yet the large majority of martial artists in the western world seem to just accept shallow pointless explanations for etiquette, respect, traditions and the nature of Rei in general.


In my post Gichin Funakoshi's Twenty Precept (Part 1) I talked about how people tend to confuse simple courtesy and respect. It's not the only place that the word 'respect' is misunderstood or misused.
Before understanding the nature of 'Rei', we should understand the nature of 'respect' and why they aren't exactly the same thing.

 

"Respect goes both ways"

I have seen martial arts instructors tell their student to "respect" them.

Firstly, if you have to tell people to 'respect' you, then it's a good chance they never will, and you don't understand the nature of respect.

In general, a group of people (or individuals) respect a person when they are worthy of that respect.
People will subconsciously decide if someone should be respected based on their first impression and their ongoing observations of them.
Everyone does this with everyone they know automatically.
You can't tell a person to respect you, it doesn't work that way.

It's because they either do or don't (and that's it!).

You can't change this by demanding it so.
The only way you can change whether a person respects you or not is with YOUR actions, by making yourself worthy of respect.

Being arrogant, incompetent, rude, selfish and/or act like you're above people, isn't worthy of respect, so people aren't going to respect you.

Never forget, "Respect goes both ways".

People won't respect someone who do not respect them.
If you find yourself thinking that you won't respect a particular person because they don't respect you, they're probably thinking the same thing.

If you're not courteous with them, you can't expect them to be courteous with you in spite of it... it goes around and around, both you and the other person with the same attitude of "I won't respect them if they don't respect me".

Many people, especially those in leadership positions (not just martial arts instructors but also managers, bosses, directors of clubs or organisations and/or social organisers), act like they are above the others in the group.
They expect their leadership position to automatically grant them the respect of all others. This is basically just ego & immaturity and it is the same mindset of the martial arts instructor that tells people to respect them.

People like this need to remember that the respect is the result of the subconscious reflection of them as a leader or person. Put simply, "Respect goes both ways", be a good and respectful person and people will respect you and/or your leadership.

 

'Showing' & 'Having' Respect

It's easy to confuse the term 'respect' with 'etiquette'.
Explaining the correct 'etiquette' to new students for when in the dojo is necessary so that they know how to 'show their respect'. Having correct 'etiquette' doesn't automatically mean having 'respect'.

'Etiquette' is just another way of saying 'Dojo Courtesy'. Just as in everyday life, for a true warrior 'courtesy' goes without saying. It should be automatic, constant and given to everyone. In the Dojo, 'etiquette' should be automatic, constant and given to everyone. This is not a coincidence, how we are taught to act in the Dojo should spill over into our daily lives.
 
In The Seven Virtues of Bushido I discussed the difference between having and showing respect. 'Etiquette' and 'courtesy' are just examples of 'showing' respect and doesn't prove that you actually have it on the inside.
True respect for another person is "a deep feeling of admiration and trust" and shouldn't be given away lightly.
As warriors, we should be smart enough to reserve our trust for those who truly deserve it.

If you naively give your admiration and trust away to anyone it will eventually be taken advantage of.

With this knowledge a warrior knows to make themselves worthy of respect by being honourable and trustworthy.
This is also the answer to the issue mentioned above of "I won't respect them if they don't respect me".
A mature warrior knows that if a person is rude or disrespectful, that it's that person's problem and not a licence to also be rude and disrespectful back to them. What others do or say doesn't determine what a true warrior does or says, and how they treat others.

As the old saying goes: "Don't let them bring you down to their level."

"REI!"

• When we bow to each other,
• when we say "hai",
• when we bow in and out of the dojo,
• when we say "onegaishimasu!",
• when we show care to not let our obi drag along the ground,
• when we bow at the start and finish of a Kata,
• when we do the formal bow in and out of the class,
• when we listen attentively even though we've heard it before,
• and when we say "arigatou gozaimasu" & "doitashimashite",

...these are all aspects of 'Rei', but the 'nature of Rei' isn't actions and fancy Japanese sayings, it comes from within us. It is in our mindset and attitude.


When we bow to a partner during training, we aren't just bowing to 'show respect'.

• While it's true we are saying that we respect that person,
• we're also saying that we trust them,
• we intend them no harm,
• we intend to learn what we can from them,
• and that we're grateful to have the opportunity to train with them!

We are told that 'Hai' is 'yes' in Japanese (which of course it is) but we seem to use it the same as the military "Yes Sir!", as a blind response to orders given.

• In reality it's meant to be an acknowledgement of what was said,
• Showing that your gratitude for the direction and guidance,
• Saying that you agree with what was said (If you don't agree, don't just say "hai", instead you should respectfully question it),
• and most of all, we say 'hai' to show we understand what was said! (If you don't understand, don't just say "hai", instead you should respectfully question it).

When we bow at the door of the dojo, we're not 'showing respect' to a large inanimate object. 

• We're acknowledging that the dojo is "the place of the way"- the place that we practice our art, learn to be the best we can be and understand the way,
• We're demonstrating our gratitude for having the place that gives us the opportunity to train,
• We're also demonstrating our gratitude that everything went well and we are better because of it.

When we say "onegaishimasu!", I think people assume it's just a fancy word what basically means to 'show respect' in general.
This page a good explanation of the definition of the term: Meaning of Onegai Shimasu 
Part of that page says:
"Onegai shimasu" is a hard phrase to directly translate to English. The second part "shimasu" is basically the verb "suru" which means "to do" conjugated into the present tense. "Onegai" comes from the verb "negau" which literally means "to pray to (something)" or "to wish for (something)." 
The basic connotation is the feeling of exchanging "good will" towards the "future" of the two meeting parties. Hence, it's sometimes kind of like saying "I'm hoping that our relationship holds good things in the future." 

So basically the idea of saying it at the start of the class (or to a partner or an object) is something like:

• I respect you (thing or other person)
• I'm grateful for what you can do for me,
• I hope things go well,
• Please look after me,
• We agree to look after each other.

When we care for our obi we aren't just 'showing respect' for some inanimate material that we wear around our waist sometimes. Also, we don't have a certain colour belt as a sign for others to respect us. The obi we wear (including the rank we are) is only for us, not for other people or their opinion, it shouldn't be a status symbol.

• Your obi is a sign of YOUR OWN progress, in not only ability but also maturity and dedication,
• In theory, you train with a particular instructor because you respect their knowledge and skill, we care for the obi given to us out of gratitude for that persons recognition of your knowledge and skill development,
• The obi you wear is an agreement between you and the one who gave it to you, never treat it lightly.

Kata is the soul at the core of Budo training. It has been said that we bow at the beginning and end of Kata to 'show respect' to many things, Sensei, past masters, the dojo, our flag, ourselves, an imaginary opponent, a judge or examiner, Japan/Okinawa or even the Kata itself. There are many different things that you could be 'showing respect' to. In reality there is a couple of simple reasons for bowing before and after a Kata:

• Kata is deadly serious and should be taken seriously, the time between the bows are 'Kata time' and you should be switched on and focused, just as in a real situation, working on building 'mushin',
• The first and last bows signify the start and end, anything in between is the Kata even if you're just standing in Heiko Dachi,
• We also bow out of gratitude for both being taught the kata and for the fact that the masters came up with it in the first place (the techniques in the Kata could save your life or the lives of people you love one day),

The formal bow in and out of the class can differ depending on the school but it generally consists of a few deep bows for the masters, the Sensei, everyone in the class even maybe the Shinto Kami. It's generally while the Sensei (or highest grade) calls 'Rei'. This process seems obvious but it's more than just 'showing respect'. While each bow is meant to be for different people (or things), the purpose of bowing is basically the same:

• "Shomen" - Generally at the front of the room, the wall of the dojo with picture/s of past master's, the kamidana (shrine) or club founder photo. We bow to this to show our gratitude for learning 'their art', to show our deference for their knowledge and our trust/respect for what we're learning,
• "Sensei" - Obviously bowing to the instructor. We bow to 'Sensei' show we're grateful for him/her taking the time to teach us and to demonstrate our trust/respect for what he/she has to teach,
• "Otagai" - Basically means 'everyone'. This bow has the same meaning as when we say "onegaishimasu", but is intended as thoughtfulness for everyone involved in the class.

When ANYONE is talking in the dojo (particularly the instructor or a master) we owe it to them, out of simple courtesy and thirst for knowledge, to listen attentively. Yes, the person out the front can tell when you're not listening.

If you tune out and stop listening, it's basically the same as telling the person speaking that their words or opinion isn't worth your time.

It's not only arrogant and rude, but ignorant! Even a beginner in their first class might say something that could enhance the most experienced mind.

If you understand 'Rei', you know to pay attention to everything that goes in during training (and in everyday life).



There are one or two common things with all of these formal expressions of 'Rei' through 'etiquette'... None of them are to blindly 'show respect', each and every thing we do during training has a reason and if you 'show respect' without consideration for those reasons, you're missing the point!

The other common thing with each of these is GRATITUDE!
To be grateful is the core of the 'Nature of Rei', all of the 'etiquette' and 'respect' is to teach you to be more grateful! Both in general and for specific things. 

'Gratitude'

'Arigatou gozaimasu' means 'Thank you' and "Doitashimashite" means 'You're welcome'.
In Japan the point and meaning of these terms is the same as in the Western world. 'Thank you' is what you say when you're grateful and 'You're welcome' acknowledges that gratitude. (It's not rocket surgery)


The Nature of Rei and having gratitude isn't just about saying thank you for something given to you or done for you, this is shallow and is only 'showing gratitude'... this can be imitated and quite often is.
Gratitude is the answer to many negative feeling and emotions.
If you are truly grateful in your heart, you'll find things like anger, resentment, jealousy, pride, fear, selfishness, impatience and insecurities fade away.


So, 'Rei' isn't acting a certain way (showing respect). It's not even being a certain way (having respect). It's more than just simple respect.


The Nature of Rei is (at it's heart) the deepest feeling of humble gratitude.

Comment below to share any thoughts or opinions you might have.  :)

Thanks for reading.
Derm

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